"Best" Food to Eat when it has gone COLD (sarcasm.)

Mr Kerabeareats presents... “best” food to eat when it has gone COLD (sarcasm).


Hi everyone, my name is Mr Kerabeareats, the food husband of Kerabeareats, and today I am sharing with you my "favourite" foods to eat when they go cold, waiting for my love and her friends to take photos of MY food.

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My favourite part about eating with my love Mrs Kerabeareats is watching her work while my food goes cold.

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I know it’s going to be another *chilling* experience when she gets up on that chair and starts moving objects around the table for about 15 minutes.

Luckily, it only takes her a mere 20 minutes before she says “Okay you can eat now.” Those are the magic words any foodie's boyfriend wants to hear.

So in honour of her and other foodies, let's begin.


Poached eggs.

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There’s nothing more delicious than poached eggs that have gone cold. I love the flavour profile of cold poached eggs, drinking the yolk of cold poached eggs is like drinking liquid rubber... yum. After all, we eat hard-boiled eggs when they are cold, so why discriminate against the soft-boiled? Also, yolk needs to be hot to get egg porn, but in my opinion egg porn is so overrated and overdone. Why would I want to capture that sinful action with my camera? Egg porn is so vile - it is the devil’s food!


Pancakes.

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Don’t you love it when your pancakes arrive in front of you and there is still steam coming out of it? Not me, why would I want to eat light, fluffy and hot pancakes when I can have cold, hard, firm slabs of flour and egg "concrete" pressed together by 45 minutes of unbridling gravity? The best part about eating cold pancakes is the syrup, I need it to loosen up the layers of brick as I hack my way through with my small, blunt, silver table machete.


Toast.

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Most people like their toast, well, toasty. They have their toaster setting on crunchy, but for me I prefer my toast like cardboard, because I like it chewy. In fact, I think the perfect toast is when I leave it in my toaster untouched for another 30 minutes after it is done before I eat it. When I eat with my Kerabeareats I don’t get to my toast right away, and that is how I like it. But what I love most is when there are toppings ON the toast, because then I get a mixture of chewy cardboard crust mixed with soggy bread. Soggy avocado toast bread sounds like absolute heaven.


Burgers.

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Gordon Ramsey thinks he’s mastered out the intricate details of the perfect burger, but I think he’s missing out one important aspect... the perfect burger is when the sauce gets absorbed by the bottom bun and then it leaks onto the table... that’s new egg porn right there... that’s burger piss porn! Also, I really dig grabbing the cold soggy burger by the hands and then having the gluttonous structure mash at my fingertips...Such a food fetish alert!


Milky Drinks.

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Milkshakes, thickshakes, cappuccinos, coffee lattes, you name it, anything with fluffed milk, you bet I live to see the milk bubbles dissipate into cloudy spiderwebs of vaginal muck around the top of the vessel, and I really get off seeing my precious barista-made latte art sink to the bottom of the cup like the Titanic. I guess I'm pretty masochistic with my milky duds - I love watching the cafe assistant shake my milk, and the barista spin it to silk, just to watch it die a slow death and be a dick about it. Who needs froth on a cappuccino anyway?


Well there you have it - 5 foods I "LOVE" when it turns cold or left for too long. The way I see it, if you're going to date a foodie, you might as well touch on the brighter side of the plate, because chances are the only heat you're going to see at the end of the meal is in the bedroom. Too far? Look at my face, do I look like I'm kidding? ;)

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Dedicated to my beautiful Kerabeareats, thanks for letting me take over your blog for one day <3